Babies

make a wild guess what the gender maybe? Sunday was the first time I ever went to go shopping for baby clothes with my boyfriend even if we aren't having a kid it was quite interesting to figure out that we had done many things as a couble for almost 5 months into our relationship finally. We were shopping for my friends besties baby shower which made things quite a beautiful last minute decorations my Friend put together. Hope we left the lovely friend a wonderful gift of happiness after she has the baby :) ............ A continuation with my friend she had her beautiful baby in January! Congrats to her being a new mommie :)

That wasn't my only first baby shower within the past couple months my aunt was pregnant as well!!!! Congrats to her having a baby boy coming along! The Baby will be born In May or this Month not really sure but will change this update when the time comes. As we had games, food, friends, prizes, and presents for my aunts love. I also received many thanks for the designs I put together for every little bit of her baby shower which was fun putting together. If anyone is in need of decorating for a baby show come find me I am willing to help out. As far as my aunt we had a toilet paper game that everyone sized her to what they thought she would be. We also had a diaper contest of who can change our selected stuffed Minny and pooh the quickest in this case one of the sisters in my previous ward had won. Further down we all played the game of putting the most cotton balls in the bowl which is harder than you may think it is.

In conclusion my aunt was very happy and hopefully when the baby comes around it will keep her a fully loving happy mother. Wishing her the best :)

Patients

Toady's the day we all start a week where we don't want to do anything because the weekend was so great with friends, family, boyfriend, and others who you don't know (its nice to say something else besides family and friends). Well that was definitely my weekend of adventure getting to deal with my boyfriends family drama which is alright for me but then I start thinking about my friends watching their life's going great on facebook watching all of them starting their life's when it comes to the real world falling in love and getting married. I love to see the colors and the looks of their faces that they finally don't have to worry about being careful about everything such as breaking up, looking beautiful( I actually wont complain so much about this because I can go both ways), going to church with faith(entering more of the temple), and NOT living with their parents:). Haha Not that I don't love living with  my parents I just really want to live in the real world already although that means more responsibility. I just hope the day when I graduate and able to maintain a job to look amazing to my fashion by graduating from a fashion school and have the best husband in the world and to be able to call husband besides boyfriend one day. Hopefully time moves on quickly to have that wonderful proposal of getting married to the one I love for eternity. In the mean time I will be patient and loving and waiting for him to have success in life mutually. I love him dearly and the wait will be worth it in the ending because we both will be able to handle many things already. I love him!

Reading from blogs I noticed that letting it out something isnt always about bad things it can also be good. and so far the good in my life is my amazing boyfriend who has light my world even if we have our situations as a couple. Him having no job so far has become a hardship for both of us and today we made it a goal to try to find a job for him and actually find a car for him so he can be on his 2 feet to live in the real world I havent started entirely which creates an interesting conecpt to me to care less of myself and let my heart love another like my wondeful boyfriend :)

In love

I Miss Your Soft Lips,
I Miss Your White Sheets.
I Miss The Scratch Of Your Shaved Face On My Cheek.
And this is so hard,
Cause I didn't see,
That you were the love of my life and it kills me.
 -kesha
On the car ride home thinking what he might be doing this comes to my mind because hes working and I wont see him till later on this day. It reminds me of how in love I am with my handsome boyfriend who loves me back. Have you ever had the feeling at the pit of your stomach that you dont want to ever let go of someone? You just want to keep them in your arms forever? Or even in the words of bella in twilight telling her true love edward before they get married its "I want to be tied to you as humanly as possible?" As you all can read this is true love that I has been on my mind and All I want is eternity with him forever and ever:D

Reserve and Rebound

The two R letter words is to be despised the upmost horrid thing in ones life. Besides the face that the letter is the beginning of my name which should'nt head that direction but it does. Starting with rebound it is a awful thing that we all do or feel! To be honest using anyone as a rebound is not in my dictionary.(props to ones self) In explanation for myself "I am not stupid enough to glorify myself to feel better with someone on my side" this act of rebound is a way of showing of lack of confidence and plain rude to the companion who thinks you may have feelings for them. A case of rebound in my life is not cool the guy acted like a friend but in fact he came to hang out with me every time he went thru a breakup which wasnt noticed until it continously happened but in this situation it hadnt been noticed because his way of keeping me around in his life was that he was like a "brother to me."Whos being fair? The reserve is a simalar idea but this is something I fall into the dating word to often when you date one person then another and dont know which one you like the most you have the reserve unless nothing happens with the other people you date. Well turns out this is happening to me ina worse situation when hes away from me on the other side of the country he doesnt call us a realtionship because long distance realtionships dont work even what we had before hand was serious close feelings for commitment to exclusively dating until he poped the bubble in excuse hes away and probably trying to actually get laid but when all doesnt work out he calls me as a reserve to make himself feel great. Rebound and Reserve are somewhat similar and a learning lesson after happening to me with the reserve I will never do that to any guy that may like me! Time to gorw up and understand that these R letter words are NOT ok!

Horoscope

Today for the cancers you will have a horrible day all together and will not like it but have to deal with it. Haven't ever herd of a horoscope that sounds like this but I definitely know there is superstitious stuff that tell you that you will have bad luck for 10 years if you break a mirror... or in fact the horoscopes will lie to me and tell me that I will meet the love of my life that is not the case in any matter! In fact the that was part of the start of my horrible day, the person I fell for that lives in new texted me this morning after how long?? 1 month almost! It doesn't help that I am trying to get over him while I am in this torment of working for labor and dealing with my father being and moving and going to the dentist for cavities and final but most my mother put a bid on the house we might move into and have to fix up which wont be fun for me because I barely fixed the room a year and a 1/2 ago!( exaggeration with the ands because they are never ending)  Anyway that's just the start of my day with no a happy face thinking that work will make me happy... that answer let me down! I got pushed around at work that one thing I did wrong and then the other wrong and that killed me because airport runs didn't turn out fun for myself because we had to pay because this lady was telling me she was at a hotel not at the airport as i herd in her phone call what I jerk( most likely the b word but I wont say) because she probably was trying to save money in of some sort to get a free way to our hotel anyway besides that i took the blame for that and the office wont like that about me. I in fact had to deal with a grown man who was a new york Yankees fan that was an alumni that went to ASU which reminded me of the new yorker I had feelings for which didn't help the situation that he was making me miss him. I being polite and letting him know that I have a friend making it no easy but when I got back to help him out with the front desk I laughed at one of his comments and mimicked him while my coworker was nudging to stop because he thought I was making fun of his new york accent which was NOT the case and that made me soooo mad! This new yorker was getting me a pickle for the day even more telling me boss about me and my boss knew about the new yorker I liked and make a horrible comment at work letting me know that this grown old man that's a new yorker had a thing for me and letting me know they only want a hook up. Imagine my surprise I am soooooo done with new yorkers!!! This comment made me draw the line and not only that my co workers made me upset to extreme on how they were making fun of the costumers which make me happy and I am OK with rude comments but making fun of someone drew me to the edge. ( I had stopped trying to evolve a conversation with ANYONE at work). Till the end the new yorker I had a thing for never texted me back, imagine my surprise how left me shredded in anger to missing him which something I am trying to get away from. I in fact want a new start after the next 2 relaxation days! Thank goodness this horoscope ended only within my day.

lost of idenitity

In the up most possibilities whats one of your favorite things to do in a life experience? To find a family, to find a best friend, to find the best place to relax without anyone and be utterly alone? Sometimes I wonder if this is a reality of my own because someone doesn't care who I am or someone only pays me because I am pleasing others in the world the fill in the whole. How to fit in the world without feeling the nothingness of who you are? My only favorite thing out of my day is validation even if someone smiles at me or pays me because I am doing my job, going to school as a classmate, or even just there to just scratch your back such as pay for your outings. But inside all this nothingness of identity there is someone who is willing to love, some who wants to scream for a chance to just stay in her only home she will recognize the rest of her life, someone who just wants to be loved for who she is, someone who is dying to have another accomplishment to be done, and only wants love around. What happened to the old fashion passion in the heart when you are stuck at world doing nothing but something you are suppose to do? Passion in others views would be seen as drama but passion is my reality and everyone reality. When lost of identity the word is Passion!!!! This is what I need in the possibilities of my world!

Hidden possible love

The past weeks there have been worried moments I have had for the guy that isn't even called a man that lives in new york. In fact I have given the chance to the real world... to different men upon the world view but in the other affect the whole world on the other side with this person in new york I thought would have a helpful view for me to understand which seems to not be the case. My thoughts were of coarse at first he smokes, he drinks, hes a want a be gangster, hes a pig for girls which makes him not even half the man if hes a pig. All I have to say to any guy who is listening to me there is no reason to act like a pig in my world because you are nooooo worth in my mind if you even come to think about one thing about me! I am a woman of value who treats herself with respect of her body in expressing her real self and a hard worker at anything. If the validation of being sexy or hot is the only expression I get from any boy will not be an exception to me! Is there hope??? Yes, I believe there is a young man who is kind, sweet, respectful, a friend that is always there for you, a person who listens and cares for me. Is he real?? Right now he kind of is... Today was the day I spoke to him was waiting in the same place as possible in front of my Sunday school classroom acting casual like hes waiting for a family member but in fact he is waiting for me;) He walked me down the hall of my crazy life, you know the children and work and cleaning... haha OK not so much the cleaning but like what grown ups do and he kept me company until a friend of his passed by and gave him a girl nick name which made me laugh but then he ignored me after attention was given... jealousy is not in my dictionary but in fact I realized that have feelings for him still and wanted to actually hold his hand! In the hidden words of a young women in possible love :).... maybe

The real world

Today was the day where you celebrate memorial day which has no meaning to me what so ever but in a way I brought irony in my life eating at a Mexican restaurant called taco tote which is as close as you can get to eating Mexican food in America which is great! Hard to find those in the real sense. As far as the real world I have brought to conclusion by a break at sun splash which makes my life even more fun and exciting because I haven't had this much fun in forrrrrrever! In fact I thank memorial day to give me this day off from the real world of job and to create money for school. The entire getting paid for staying in school is a hard concept for me to understand  I am working for hard labor to live in world with the real intention of "dog eat dog world" Its not as easy I thought it would be to work at a hotel which is crazy to understand but the fact that people want to stay in a hotel for a night because they have no where else to go is an understanding but if one little thing goes wrong the people who stay in a room get upset which makes sense because I would understand your tired and don't want to deal with all these problems such as a loud conditioner sound keeping you up at night and all you want is to rest. I definitely understand that but what I don't understand the people want something perfect in their room because not everything is going well which makes perfectly no sense because the rate they are given for a hotel is to the extreme as cheap as they get and even if it is prepaid and they still demand a better service at the rate they are asking. All due with respect I am getting paid and should treat them with Curtice because its not my stay it is theirs and they are willing to give the money and time to stay at the hotel that has given me the real world or understand how paying off bills and loans and oh on top of that I need to pay for tithing. IN a final conclusion the real world brought me open doors to find an internship in my real life career in fashion which will put a foot in the door or a big step into my real world fantasy.

Balcony Dream

Most often we all most likely have no control over our dreams but we do have thoughts that seemed to performed that we do put in mind of many times and if we like it we run it over and over in our own minds. There is this one dream I've ran over my mind all the time and I am not the type that plans ahead all the time such when girls dream about there own wedding dress or even what their own children's names are going to be. Well I never got to that stage in my life as a girl because I wanted to be a hard worker in college and to possibly go on a mission if I don't get married within the timing but most likely that is unanswered( knowing my friends would all say that are LDS you are going to get married soon). In my case I don't I will get married soon but as far as I thought in my love life I have always had the dream of how I would get proposed to by my own meaning of what I would love. I've always dreamed that this guy would always be at my balcony in the back of my house and company watching the sunrise because my side doesn't get the sunset but anyway just do that a couple times together to enjoy the fresh air near the winter time. As we both hold each other in each others arms and kiss we decide to start off the day having a breakfast or something sweet that a couple would do and then inside our way the window we both fall on the ground into my room laughing at how clumsy we both fell on the ground from my window and we both have our eyes meet and kiss kindly as that person gently backs away and says marry me in surprise I smile and say "yes" with excitement and start kissing him and then he pulls out the ring and we both enjoy our own engagement. This is the only simple idea I put together in my mind if only guys were smart enough to think the most simple but spontaneous things are what makes a relationship even better.(not trying to make men do what they don't want to do but at least give them the sense they have the security as having a man card to make the move which makes you a great man) The balcony dream only is a dream and will never be more.

The Chruch Boy

Cant seem to keep the feeling contained that there is butterflys in my own stomach and this eagerness waiting for this church boy to speak to me again. In surpirse I had gotten out of my own classroom to take the tv away from my little sunbeams thinking I will never out a movie on for them due to thinking a tv would give attention to little children... Well apparently it didnt work for 3 year olds that had the attention span for 7 minutes at least to watch a video when in fact the video is 25 minutes long. In thought thinking if the room was filled with children thinking I need to head home to my sick father I saw the church boy.... Imagine my surprise due to thinking about him coming up to my classroom to speak with me but he had no reason to because my entire family wasnt in church but I. In shock I knew it was fate telling me to speak with him, the thought of him near made me happy to the extreame that I even forgot to speak in clear words around him but ramble on about how is he? Or how in the heck we bumped into each other? was he trying to find me in my own classroom? But of corse his excuse was he had to go near the bishops office to go set appart his own brother for a calling although chruch had not ended yet. He being the gentlemen watching me try to pull the lug of a TV across the hall way he helped me pull it all the way due to seeing my tiredness or maybe it was because he felt so bad that my father had been in the hospital lately after I had a talk to my bishop about coming over this afternoon to speak to mine own father. I could hardly combine words in my own thoughts together. The church boy had tried speaking to me and wanted to talk to me even more as I wanted to with him but never asked whats wrong with my father. He probably knew I didnt like to speak of it. He told me more about himself than I talked about myself which gave me comfort because he knows what kind of person I am when I listen to what others have to say besides me talking all the time in my stupid rambling. My love life has came to conculsion for the day that church boy maybe shy and not take a step up for making moves but he does take a step up to keep me around in his life and to around in mine which is what I need form the chruch boy who fills my heart. In fact I fear this church boy will empty mine own heart because he seems to share his own with me. How the chruch boy makes me happy with the simplisity of kindness.

The one man in my life

Its odd to know that you are only 18 years old and are still living with your parents after a year of college are very slim as thru mine own eyes. In fact its helpful with not having heavy down payments as it is... However  the family I live with has come to some sort of problems when it comes to house payments going up, It makes things even more difficult when a father like mine is sick and has gone to the hospital already 3 times and has been visited by the fire department. This week he has been on and off with work which will be a problem within our 4 family because we are dependant with that one man in our life. It has become a difficulty to handle the situation because as a daughter of his own I fall under the eldest and haven't been close to him as a daughter because in our society of a house we grew up with the mother being the nurturer and the father as the house worker provider. In this situation it may seem the only man in the house hold is only loved for the money but THAT is NOT the case. I love him dearly.. the past week has been difficult to see him thru his downs mostly. as a daughter I never have seen my young father at the age of 43 ask me to call the ambulance thinking he might have heart attack is frightening. In time to time I wonder if this one man with be cured by all these blessing he has been receiving in his life?  I always know when things are going to be alright but in this heart of mine I have no feeling of that whats so ever. Today he had been sitting outside in the front of the house and told my mother " you know Ana, I have never felt peace watching TV as much as sitting outside near nature." The one man in my life gives me comfort and will always.

Hes not just that in to you

Last night I had a friend ask me if I was in a realitionship with the same guy that left to new york and would come baack during the fall when school would start back up. Yes I am dying on the inside to say that I still like him soooooooo much and for some reason in my gut I always know when things tend to not go the way I usually plan I give up because then I know it wont work. For instense this guy is all the way in new york probably partying every night with his old buddys while I am working hard for the real world to pay off for school thinking about him from time to time and NOT one text from him or even a facebook message. World what is wrong with this picture???( dont answer because I know) I know what the world thinks in this situation! Move on girl stop thinking about this horrible guy that has no interest in you and deffinitely will only be there to take what you have for him and nothing more than that because he will never return to you what you will ever want from the beginning when he was trying to get your attention to date him and have you lach on to his buckle while he moves on to the next girl to lach as myself. In this case I never fall for guys different from me but I thought why not hes probably different from many guys I've dated and will probably have more interest than the others and give much effort as I do on the other side gender. And here they come the words I deffinitely hate to hear but in most cases its true " He is just not that into you"