Hidden possible love

The past weeks there have been worried moments I have had for the guy that isn't even called a man that lives in new york. In fact I have given the chance to the real world... to different men upon the world view but in the other affect the whole world on the other side with this person in new york I thought would have a helpful view for me to understand which seems to not be the case. My thoughts were of coarse at first he smokes, he drinks, hes a want a be gangster, hes a pig for girls which makes him not even half the man if hes a pig. All I have to say to any guy who is listening to me there is no reason to act like a pig in my world because you are nooooo worth in my mind if you even come to think about one thing about me! I am a woman of value who treats herself with respect of her body in expressing her real self and a hard worker at anything. If the validation of being sexy or hot is the only expression I get from any boy will not be an exception to me! Is there hope??? Yes, I believe there is a young man who is kind, sweet, respectful, a friend that is always there for you, a person who listens and cares for me. Is he real?? Right now he kind of is... Today was the day I spoke to him was waiting in the same place as possible in front of my Sunday school classroom acting casual like hes waiting for a family member but in fact he is waiting for me;) He walked me down the hall of my crazy life, you know the children and work and cleaning... haha OK not so much the cleaning but like what grown ups do and he kept me company until a friend of his passed by and gave him a girl nick name which made me laugh but then he ignored me after attention was given... jealousy is not in my dictionary but in fact I realized that have feelings for him still and wanted to actually hold his hand! In the hidden words of a young women in possible love :).... maybe