Patients

Toady's the day we all start a week where we don't want to do anything because the weekend was so great with friends, family, boyfriend, and others who you don't know (its nice to say something else besides family and friends). Well that was definitely my weekend of adventure getting to deal with my boyfriends family drama which is alright for me but then I start thinking about my friends watching their life's going great on facebook watching all of them starting their life's when it comes to the real world falling in love and getting married. I love to see the colors and the looks of their faces that they finally don't have to worry about being careful about everything such as breaking up, looking beautiful( I actually wont complain so much about this because I can go both ways), going to church with faith(entering more of the temple), and NOT living with their parents:). Haha Not that I don't love living with  my parents I just really want to live in the real world already although that means more responsibility. I just hope the day when I graduate and able to maintain a job to look amazing to my fashion by graduating from a fashion school and have the best husband in the world and to be able to call husband besides boyfriend one day. Hopefully time moves on quickly to have that wonderful proposal of getting married to the one I love for eternity. In the mean time I will be patient and loving and waiting for him to have success in life mutually. I love him dearly and the wait will be worth it in the ending because we both will be able to handle many things already. I love him!

Reading from blogs I noticed that letting it out something isnt always about bad things it can also be good. and so far the good in my life is my amazing boyfriend who has light my world even if we have our situations as a couple. Him having no job so far has become a hardship for both of us and today we made it a goal to try to find a job for him and actually find a car for him so he can be on his 2 feet to live in the real world I havent started entirely which creates an interesting conecpt to me to care less of myself and let my heart love another like my wondeful boyfriend :)

In love

I Miss Your Soft Lips,
I Miss Your White Sheets.
I Miss The Scratch Of Your Shaved Face On My Cheek.
And this is so hard,
Cause I didn't see,
That you were the love of my life and it kills me.
 -kesha
On the car ride home thinking what he might be doing this comes to my mind because hes working and I wont see him till later on this day. It reminds me of how in love I am with my handsome boyfriend who loves me back. Have you ever had the feeling at the pit of your stomach that you dont want to ever let go of someone? You just want to keep them in your arms forever? Or even in the words of bella in twilight telling her true love edward before they get married its "I want to be tied to you as humanly as possible?" As you all can read this is true love that I has been on my mind and All I want is eternity with him forever and ever:D

Reserve and Rebound

The two R letter words is to be despised the upmost horrid thing in ones life. Besides the face that the letter is the beginning of my name which should'nt head that direction but it does. Starting with rebound it is a awful thing that we all do or feel! To be honest using anyone as a rebound is not in my dictionary.(props to ones self) In explanation for myself "I am not stupid enough to glorify myself to feel better with someone on my side" this act of rebound is a way of showing of lack of confidence and plain rude to the companion who thinks you may have feelings for them. A case of rebound in my life is not cool the guy acted like a friend but in fact he came to hang out with me every time he went thru a breakup which wasnt noticed until it continously happened but in this situation it hadnt been noticed because his way of keeping me around in his life was that he was like a "brother to me."Whos being fair? The reserve is a simalar idea but this is something I fall into the dating word to often when you date one person then another and dont know which one you like the most you have the reserve unless nothing happens with the other people you date. Well turns out this is happening to me ina worse situation when hes away from me on the other side of the country he doesnt call us a realtionship because long distance realtionships dont work even what we had before hand was serious close feelings for commitment to exclusively dating until he poped the bubble in excuse hes away and probably trying to actually get laid but when all doesnt work out he calls me as a reserve to make himself feel great. Rebound and Reserve are somewhat similar and a learning lesson after happening to me with the reserve I will never do that to any guy that may like me! Time to gorw up and understand that these R letter words are NOT ok!

Horoscope

Today for the cancers you will have a horrible day all together and will not like it but have to deal with it. Haven't ever herd of a horoscope that sounds like this but I definitely know there is superstitious stuff that tell you that you will have bad luck for 10 years if you break a mirror... or in fact the horoscopes will lie to me and tell me that I will meet the love of my life that is not the case in any matter! In fact the that was part of the start of my horrible day, the person I fell for that lives in new texted me this morning after how long?? 1 month almost! It doesn't help that I am trying to get over him while I am in this torment of working for labor and dealing with my father being and moving and going to the dentist for cavities and final but most my mother put a bid on the house we might move into and have to fix up which wont be fun for me because I barely fixed the room a year and a 1/2 ago!( exaggeration with the ands because they are never ending)  Anyway that's just the start of my day with no a happy face thinking that work will make me happy... that answer let me down! I got pushed around at work that one thing I did wrong and then the other wrong and that killed me because airport runs didn't turn out fun for myself because we had to pay because this lady was telling me she was at a hotel not at the airport as i herd in her phone call what I jerk( most likely the b word but I wont say) because she probably was trying to save money in of some sort to get a free way to our hotel anyway besides that i took the blame for that and the office wont like that about me. I in fact had to deal with a grown man who was a new york Yankees fan that was an alumni that went to ASU which reminded me of the new yorker I had feelings for which didn't help the situation that he was making me miss him. I being polite and letting him know that I have a friend making it no easy but when I got back to help him out with the front desk I laughed at one of his comments and mimicked him while my coworker was nudging to stop because he thought I was making fun of his new york accent which was NOT the case and that made me soooo mad! This new yorker was getting me a pickle for the day even more telling me boss about me and my boss knew about the new yorker I liked and make a horrible comment at work letting me know that this grown old man that's a new yorker had a thing for me and letting me know they only want a hook up. Imagine my surprise I am soooooo done with new yorkers!!! This comment made me draw the line and not only that my co workers made me upset to extreme on how they were making fun of the costumers which make me happy and I am OK with rude comments but making fun of someone drew me to the edge. ( I had stopped trying to evolve a conversation with ANYONE at work). Till the end the new yorker I had a thing for never texted me back, imagine my surprise how left me shredded in anger to missing him which something I am trying to get away from. I in fact want a new start after the next 2 relaxation days! Thank goodness this horoscope ended only within my day.

lost of idenitity

In the up most possibilities whats one of your favorite things to do in a life experience? To find a family, to find a best friend, to find the best place to relax without anyone and be utterly alone? Sometimes I wonder if this is a reality of my own because someone doesn't care who I am or someone only pays me because I am pleasing others in the world the fill in the whole. How to fit in the world without feeling the nothingness of who you are? My only favorite thing out of my day is validation even if someone smiles at me or pays me because I am doing my job, going to school as a classmate, or even just there to just scratch your back such as pay for your outings. But inside all this nothingness of identity there is someone who is willing to love, some who wants to scream for a chance to just stay in her only home she will recognize the rest of her life, someone who just wants to be loved for who she is, someone who is dying to have another accomplishment to be done, and only wants love around. What happened to the old fashion passion in the heart when you are stuck at world doing nothing but something you are suppose to do? Passion in others views would be seen as drama but passion is my reality and everyone reality. When lost of identity the word is Passion!!!! This is what I need in the possibilities of my world!

Hidden possible love

The past weeks there have been worried moments I have had for the guy that isn't even called a man that lives in new york. In fact I have given the chance to the real world... to different men upon the world view but in the other affect the whole world on the other side with this person in new york I thought would have a helpful view for me to understand which seems to not be the case. My thoughts were of coarse at first he smokes, he drinks, hes a want a be gangster, hes a pig for girls which makes him not even half the man if hes a pig. All I have to say to any guy who is listening to me there is no reason to act like a pig in my world because you are nooooo worth in my mind if you even come to think about one thing about me! I am a woman of value who treats herself with respect of her body in expressing her real self and a hard worker at anything. If the validation of being sexy or hot is the only expression I get from any boy will not be an exception to me! Is there hope??? Yes, I believe there is a young man who is kind, sweet, respectful, a friend that is always there for you, a person who listens and cares for me. Is he real?? Right now he kind of is... Today was the day I spoke to him was waiting in the same place as possible in front of my Sunday school classroom acting casual like hes waiting for a family member but in fact he is waiting for me;) He walked me down the hall of my crazy life, you know the children and work and cleaning... haha OK not so much the cleaning but like what grown ups do and he kept me company until a friend of his passed by and gave him a girl nick name which made me laugh but then he ignored me after attention was given... jealousy is not in my dictionary but in fact I realized that have feelings for him still and wanted to actually hold his hand! In the hidden words of a young women in possible love :).... maybe